Megaman and Friends in High School!
by L. Adam Bell
Summary: Megaman, Zero, and X go to high school for a day. Everything's going great until they run into an old troublemaker... RR, please! PG for some robotic violenceinnuendo.
1. Catching the Bus

  


**Megaman and Friends in High School!  
  
**

Chapter One - Catching the Bus__

Megaman is standing at the front door to Dr. Light's Lab. He has a backpack on, and is visibly upset.

**Megaman:** Okay, so why do I have to do this again?

**Dr. Light:** It's an experiment to see how well your AI will integrate with normal teenagers. You **are **fifteen, after all...

**Megaman:** I gotta go in as a freshman?! Aw, crap...

**Light:** Just go with it, Rock. You'll have fun, I promise.

**Megaman:** I can't even drive there?

**Light:** It wouldn't be consistent with the role you're trying to play. The bus is your only way to school.

**Megaman:** Yeah, I guess you're right.

**Light:** I can drive you...

**Megaman:** It's okay. You don't have to do that, Doc. You'd probably just end up embarassing me, anyway.

**Light: **I loved high school, myself.

**Megaman:** Yeah, I still can't believe you had that beard back then, Doc.

(Shows yearbook pic of Doc)

**Light: **Heh...I used to sneak food into class with this thing. _(Feels at his chin hair again.) _Hey, lookee here! _(He pulls out a wad of some grey, nondescript meatlike substance. It smells a bit like hardboiled eggs.) _It's some of my old cafeteria's salisbury steak! _(He sniffs it, gagging slightly.) _I think I'll get Roll to dispose of this...you should go ahead, Rock, or you'll miss your bus...

**Megaman: **Right.

>

_At the bus stop, he sees Zero standing there, dressed in plain clothes, trying as best he can to get his huge blonde locks into some semblance of kemptness. X is sitting on the bench nearby, dressed simlilarly, and coughing, it seems.) _ Hey...Zero? What are you doing here at the bus stop? And a hundred years in the past, for that matter?

**Zero: **Ah, the writer wanted to put us both in here 'cause he likes us...something about omnipotence over whatever happens to us in his stories or something...some kind of union thing, I guess...

**Megaman: **Right. Anyway...having a bad hair day? 

**Zero: **_(glares)_ Do you have any idea how hard it is to keep this mane smooth and flowin'? If I were workin' today, I'd just call in sick or something...I'm just not me without my cool hair... 

**Megaman: **_(sighs) _Anyway...X, you okay? That cough sounds pretty bad. 

**X: **_(still coughing violently) _Hey...*cough*...hey Rock...*cough*...

**Megaman: **What the heck's the matter? You got a weird computer-virus stomach flu or somethin'?

**X: **My...*cough*...my voice...

**Megaman: **Your voice?

**X:** Yeah...It's been acting up again... 

**Megaman:** Hey, it'll be okay. High-schoolers half-expect freshmen to still have their squeaky voices, anyway.   
  
**X:** _(loudly, shrieking)_ I DO NOT HAVE A SQUEAKY VOICE!!!!!! 

**Megaman:** _(Eyes are wide after X finishes. A window nearby is broken, and __Tango now lies dead on the sidewalk)_ O' course not, X...they all make fun of you for no reason... 

**X: **You're doing it again! 

**Zero:** Shut up over there for a minute, will ya? I can't hear myself think over your blabbing! Why don't you take a few shots of WD-40 for that voice of yours, X? Geeez... 

_X is infuriated and rushes over, clawing at Zero._** __**Thankfully, Megaman holds him back from the neck of the turtleneck X is wearing. Throwing X finally back onto the bench, Megaman uses Time-Stopper to freeze X in place. 

**Megaman:** Time-Stopper!!

**Zero:** Funny...I thought you lost all your special weapons after each game. What gives?

**Megaman:** Ah well, the writer needed some quick way to keep X out of the conversation for awhile. That was the best he could do.

**Zero:** Oh. Well, anyway, the bus ought to be here any minute... Oh, Lord, does my hair look okay?

_Megaman just stares._

**Megaman:** And you WONDER why people think you and X are gay...

**Zero:** Alia, I am SO going to kill you for using up all of my quadruple-strength hair gel... 

**Megaman:** Shut up and act natural. Here comes our ticket to a day of hell.

_The bus pulls up. Megaman steps on board. Zero follows him closely._

**Driver:** You gentlemen got fare?

**Zero:** Great. Exact change, I suppose?

**Driver: **Yep.

**Zero (sighs): **Perfect. _(Digs in his pockets.)_ I've got a five-dollar bill, a battery, and a wad of lint. Will that do?

**Driver:** Where you boys goin'?

**Megaman:** Ryutaro's High School, ma'am. Other side of town.

**Driver:** Well, this ain't exact change to get there, but...I'll be willing to let it slide if Red Boy here gives me a smoochie...

**Megaman:** It can't be worse than having to walk, I guess. Go ahead, Zero. We've got no other way of getting across town.

**Zero:** Ever heard of a taxi, genius?

**Megaman:** They're all down this week. Something about Wily's robots having a field day with them all downtown. I should probably be checking that out, but...I guess this is more important to the Doc.

**Zero:** How 'bout teleportation?

**Megaman:** We can only go places where we've already been...and I haven't been to the high school, and I'm pretty sure **you** haven't...

**Zero:** (grumble)

**Driver:** So what's it gonna be, boys?

**Zero:** Um, Rock, can I see you...over HERE...just a second?

_Megaman walks over. Zero chokes him around the neck._

Now THIS is for your bright ideas! I AM NOT kissing that woman! She's absolutely hideous! She looks like she could be Frankenstein's grandmother!

**Driver:** Well?

**Megaman:** I...have a plan.

**Zero:** Huh?

**Megaman: **I know how we can get this bus.

_Megaman whispers to Zero. Moments later...  
_  
**Zero:** All right, Ms. Driver. Here. _(He stands up, walks up to the driver's seat. Sighs loudly and crosses himself.)_ Kiss your red boy.

**Driver** _(lunges forward)_**:** Hot dang!! I got me a man!**  
**  
_Zero dodges her and pulls the door handle quickly. She falls out of her seat and through the open doors, then continues tumbling out. She rolls until she hits the bench that Megaman froze X on.  
_  
**Zero:** Yee-hah! _(Shuts the doors.)_ We got us a bus! 

_He drives off, squealing the bus tires._

Time-Stopper finally wears off of X.

**Driver:** Yahoo! C'mere, handsome!

**X:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAIGH!!!!!!!!!!!! _(Runs away, the driver chasing him off.)_  
_  
End Chapter 1._


	2. First Period

  
**Chapter Two - First Period**

**Zero:** Yeah. Let's go to first period.

**Megaman:** Good plan, but might I bring to your attention that no one gave us schedules?

**Zero:** Oh, crud...I forgot about that... We could just sneak in...I've heard things about this school before...they take their convoluted attendance policy so seriously that they won't even notice a few students who sneak in.

**Megaman:** Yeah, they're probably used to more students sneaking out than in.

**Zero:** Good point.

They sneak off, each to a different class.

>

**Science Teacher:** So, Mark, what can you tell us about negatively ionized protons when applied to objects at rest?

**Student:** Um...............................................

The silence continues for a while, and each student cringes when the teacher looks at them.

**Zero, thinking:** Oh, please! They call _this_ science? I could give them the theory of lightspeed in five minutes, and they're stuck on protons and resting objects! What practical purpose does this serve?

**Teacher:** Okay, well, if you can't do that, how 'bout naming the halogens of the periodic table, then their chemical symbols?

The class is again silent for a long time.

(Sighs) Why do I even bother with you people? You're never going to get anywhere in life!!

**Zero:** Um, sir?

**Teacher:** Huh?

**Zero:** I believe I may have the answer.

**Teacher:** Answer? Answer to what?

**Zero:** The halogens, sir.

**Teacher:** You mean one of you actually knows something? Praise Buddha!

**Zero:** Well, I could tell you about protons and objects, too, if you care about that anymore.

Teacher runs to his desk and takes a swig from a brown bottle in the locked bottom drawer.

**Teacher:** My Lord, I think this class might have a hope of passing yet!

>

_Megaman goes to the locker room and begins dressing again, the lockers pulled around him. He's got his shirt back on, and is pulling up his pants, when he's hit in the backside with a wet towel._

**Megaman:** Who the--? _(Thinking:)_ Oh, crap! I've been found out!

_He turns around slowly to see Bass standing there._

**Bass:** Ha! Rock, you loser! If you're going to infiltrate the school, at least be more careful about your appearance!

**Megaman:** Bass?! What're you doing here?!

**Bass:** Probably the same thing as you...seeing what it's like to be a robot among high school students.

**Megaman:** Wily's interested in that?

**Bass:** How would I know? I haven't done anything for that nincompoop since I first fought you! This was an experiment of my own!

**Megaman:** Huh. Well, anyway, I guess this is where you try to reveal my true identity to everyone and we have a huge fight in the middle of the school...

**Bass:** Oh, no, my friend...this time, I'm going to go about it a little different...

**Megaman:** Huh?

**Bass:** Yeah. This time, I'm going to make you suffer through your day, not knowing when I'll decide to strike...so don't worry! Until I reveal you to everyone, you should have a good time with your new friend.

**Megaman:** You sadistic psycho!

_He jumps toward Bass, tackling him onto the ground._  
_The coach comes in and breaks up the two robots, Megaman finally pulling his pants up so no one notices his wires and panels._

**Coach:** Which one of you started this?

**Bass**, _under his breath_**:** Now you're in for it, you fool! They'll have you strung up! Ha ha ha...  
  
_End Chapter Two. _


	3. In Trouble

  
**Chapter Three - In Trouble**  
**  
Zero:** So you finally got away from that bus driver, huh?

**X:** Yeah. I hear Megaman's having a problem too, but it's not with the teachers.

**Zero:** A student?

**Megaman:** In a manner of speaking. It's another robot, disguised as a student. An old--uh--friend of mine...

**X:** A power-hungry robot named Bass.

**Zero:** Oh, good. That's one more thing to deal with.

**Megaman:** I know how we can stop him and keep him from bothering us, but it'll take me some time.

**X:** And we can buy him that time.

**Zero:** Yeah! I've been achin' for some action since we got here, anyway. So when do we get started?

**X:** Now. You get him away somewhere. I'll make sure everyone's away from where you guys are duking.

**Zero:** Fair enough. I need to do some slashin', anyway. The Zet's gettin' all stir-crazy in my backpack, I know.

**Megaman:** You and your saber can do what you want to Bass. I don't frankly care what happens to him. Kill him if you want. I'm sure that wouldn't be much of a problem.

**Zero:** Hee. Ye-he-hess....yes, indeed...

**Megaman:** Right. Anyway, I'll get going. The faster we can rid ourselves of Bass, the more time we'll have to study the students.

***

_In the halls..._

**Bass** _(from the hall)_ **:** Someone lookin' for me?

_Zero strides out quickly. Bass is standing in the middle of the hallway, arms folded, with a smirk on his face. His helmet has appeared atop his head, and he no longer wears his plain clothes._

**Zero:** So you're the one who called me a girly robot, huh?

**Bass:** Shh!!! You're not supposed to know about that, you moron!

**Zero:** Oh, right. Am I supposed to know Dr. Wily created me?

_Bass just sighs._

'Cause I don't, if that's what you're thinking.

**Bass:** Anyway, what do you want?

**Zero:** A brawl. Megaboy's said you've been causing him trouble lately.  
  
**Bass:** Ah, so I got him sent to the office. Big deal.

**Zero:** Hey, he's a friend. And you...okay, I can admire the whole power hungry thing. I've been told I have that "slash-slash-kill-kill" attitude about things... But that doesn't matter! You could expose Megaman and the rest of us!

**Bass:** I'm not so sure X would mind if you exposed yourself to him. _(Grins)_

_Zero growls._

**Zero:** Oh, no you did NOT!-- (_His buster appears on his arm.)_

Zero slashes madly at Bass. Zero's clothes change to armor instantaneously and Bass shoots a few shots at him.

_Zero dodges the shots and dashes forward._

_Zero smiles and puts his huge hand around Bass's head, throwing him up through the roof. He does a double-jump up, using a spinning slash to tear at Bass's armor. He slams the robot to the roof, digging his feet into his back moments later. He tosses the Z-Saber over his shoulder, sending it spinning wildly. It lands, sticking perfectly straight up in the roof._

**Zero:** I don't need to stain the Zet with the blood of scum like you.

**Bass:** Bring it on, girly-man. _(Beckons)_

**Zero:** I'll "girly-man" you, Sea-Bass!

**Bass:** Oh, no you did NOT!--

_Zero raises his arm and fires the Z-Buster at Bass's head. It hits squarely, and Bass falls to the roof, head smoking._

**Zero:** Well, that's that.

_He begins to climb down from his spot, but hears Bass's voice behind him again:_

**Bass:** Finish me off, girly-man!

**Zero**, _without turning around, coolly_**:** I thought I had.

**Bass (weakly):** Ha! That's a laugh...

**Zero (coolly):** I have a certain respect for other robot life... I'd suggest you take the opportunity and run with it.

_Bass is silent, but picks himself up from the roof and shakes the dust and soot from his armor. Zero continues walking toward the edge of the roof, deactivating the saber and tossing it back into his open backpack. Bass rushes at him._

**Bass:** Ha! You think I'd admit defeat from you, you worthless automaton?!

_Zero stops dead in his tracks._

**Zero (coolly):** Your style is too straightfoward. Be more subtle.

**Bass:** Ha! Your advice means nothing to me!

**Zero (coolly):** That's a shame...

_He brings his right fist up just before Bass makes contact with him. Bass stops, staring at the fist in terror.  
_  
I've seen more than you, Bass. I know fighting.

_He lowers his fist._

I could have taken out your CPU just then. Think. Think before you fight.

_He continues walking, but turns around and shrugs his shoulders._

_(Jovially)_ Oh, who'm I kiddin'? I'm gonna kill you anyway!

_One student spots them and runs back into the school, all through the halls screaming, "Fight! Fight!". Everyone follows him outside, where they begin watching Zero and Bass chip away at each other. Some are making bets, some are wondering why the heck both the fighters have circuits under their skin, and the faculty is all cowering in fear (Don't I wish?), wetting their Depends. Shots from Z-Buster and F-Buster alike fly all around. No people are shot, amazingly._

**X:** What happened? I thought he was gonna just take Bass out...these people are in danger!

_X radios Megaman:_

I need a diversion here. I can't get anyone to turn away from the fight for a minute so I can get them to somewhere safe. What should I do?

**Megaman:** Diversion on the way.

**X:** Roger. _(Thinking:)_ This better be good...

_A Jeep comes screaming off the street and heads directly toward the school. X sees Dr. Light open the door and hit the ground just before the Jeep rams into the glass doors and continues into the building._

Light walks up to X, beaming.

**Light:** Your diversion, X. _(Gestures to the broken doors, smiling broadly.)  
_  
**X:** Um...where does that corridor lead? The one that the Jeep kept going down?  
_  
Light brings up a holographic map of the school._

**Light:** Always prepared. Let's see now, if I trace my finger from the front door along this straight path, I see... _(Grimly, but no pause after the first statement)_ oh, dear Lord...

**X:** That can't be good.

**Light:** It's heading for the school's backup generators!! Everything's gonna blow!

_And, before you can say "Chimi-chimi-changa-with-a-cherry-Coke-and whipped-cream-and-chopped-nuts-on-top", (Phew!) everything does, in fact, blow up. There is a great silence that falls over the crowd for a few moments. Zero and Bass are thrown off the roof and across the street. Soon, the students regain their senses, and begin cheering at the top of their lungs around the burning school._

**X:** Perfect...

_Zero and Bass pick themselves up and begin fighting again. More plasma bolts begin to fly around. This time, though, the students are more concerned with singing "Kum Ba Ya" and roasting marshmallows on the flames of the school building._

I've got to break this up...Zero and Bass have had enough. I have to get that saber-happy psycho Zero out of here, now!

_(Radios Megaman)_

You got anything worked up yet?

**Megaman:** It's done. I just need to get there.

**X:** The school's totalled. It's no good. We have to get Zero out of here and radio you with the location later. We've got no cover.

**Megaman:** Roger that. Try to find someplace relatively secluded.

**X:** Doy, Sherlock.

**Megaman:** Out.

**X:** Wish you hadn't sacrificed the Jeep. We could've used it now. Oh, wait, that's right...Me and Zero can teleport!

**Light:** Sure, you can. What about me?

**X:** You blew up the school and sacrificed the Jeep. Plus, you've not exactly been eating right lately. I think a walk would do you good.

**Light:** You're just going to leave me?

_X gives him a long stare, but his eyes soften.  
_  
**X:** Maybe you're right. You did create me and Megaman, after all.

**Light:** That's right.

**X:** Nah, no, never mind. _(Runs off toward Zero and Bass.)_ Yo, Zero! Time to go!

_Zero's left arm has been ripped off._

**Zero (grunts):** But I've nearly got him! Gimme two more minutes!

**X:** Come on, you sadistic psycho!

_They teleport away._  
  
**Bass:** Ha! You'll never escape! By analyzing the trail of ions you left behind, I can pinpoint your destination even before you get there, and follow you!

_He concentrates for a second, then smiles and teleports away. _


	4. The Battle Continues

  
**Chapter Four - "The Battle Continues..." Or "Megaman, Where the Bloody &*^(*&ing ^$^&$ Are You?"**

_X and Zero teleport into a vacant warehouse. They see a lot of stuff strewn about, mostly old boxes and packing peanuts.  
_**  
**Zero: $*&&) it all, X! I had that stupid black robot begging for mercy!

X: ... Zero, your arm is freaking RIPPED OFF!

Zero: I was just toying with him! I was warming up so I could drive his gold winged head into the ground and whack it like a golf ball! C'mon!

X: You'll get more of your bloody fight, doofus. Just calm your battle-happy self for two minutes while we wait for Megaman, okay? I wonder what's keeping him...?

_Cut to Megaman at Light's Lab, playing with a loop of string._

Megaman: Oh, yeah! Who's got the cat's cradle? Yeah! How awesome am I? ... Hey, wait a sec...I think I remember hearing from someone that I was supposed to be doing something important... Maybe if I play with the string some more, I'll remember...yeah...

_Back to X and Zero._

X: What's the deal? Megaman should have been back here by now!

_Dr. Light jogs in, flopping down on the floor almost immediately after bursting through the door._

Hey, he made it!

Light (panting): Now...I'm thinking...making Reploids might not...be such...a good idea...

X: It's the exercise talking, Doc. You'll get over it.

Light: You'll...excuse me...if I start to dismantle you...

X: You're such a prankster, Doc! Ha ha ha!

_Light glares at him._

Ye gods, he's serious!

Light: You just...you just wait until...until I get up...

_He continues breathing heavily and gasping._

X: I won't hold my breath, Doc. Maybe the wait for that stitch to come out of your side will calm you down.

_Loud, evil laughter is heard echoing through the building. _ _Bass teleports in a few seconds later._

Bass, _to Zero_: You thought it would be so easy to hide, didn't you, pansy-bot?

Zero: Eat me!

Bass: You'd like that, wouldn't you?!

Zero: ...No!

Bass: Oh, wonderful comeback, wuss!

Zero: Oh yeah? How's this for a comeback? Yaaah!! (He rushes at Bass with his saber)

Bass dodges the dash attack, sticking his foot out and deftly tripping the Blonde Bother, sending him careening none-too-gracefully into a refrigerator box full of packing peanuts.

Bass: What was that you said back at the school? "Think before you fight"?  
  
Zero: Oooh, I hate people who use your own words against you... (Rubbing his head with his good arm)

Bass: Ahem. Treble!  
  
A purple beam fires through the roof of the building, and the growling wolf dog Treble materializes beside his master.

Combine sequence, activate! Come on, Treble!

He jumps high into the air, Treble following him. In a bright purple flash, the combined robot begins firing at Zero and X. Dr. Light crawls behind a nearby wall of crates.  
  
Zero: Scramble! Scramble!

X: Duh, you idiot!  
  
They both dash behind a wall of crates and have to yell over the noise Bass's Buster makes.

Zero: What do we do now?  
  
X: (into radio) Megaman, where the heck are you?

Megaman (through radio): I'm coming...just hang on a few more minutes...

Zero: We may not **have** a few more minutes, sissy-boy! Whatever you're cooking up to take care of Bass, we need it **now!**

Megaman: Roger. I'll be there in two minutes!

X: That's the best we can do, I guess.

Zero: So what now?

X: We stick it out and hope he gets here before Bass sets the place on fire.

Zero: Any other plans?

X: Go out to Bass screaming 'We surrender'...but other than that, no.

Zero: Ha! I'll never surrender! I've got too much pride for that!  
  
A barrel next to Zero explodes.

AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!! MOMMYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE MR. BASS, DON'T HURT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bass: Sniveling coward...take this!!

(He fires a stream of plasma at Zero. X dives at him, knocking him out of the way of the blast.)

X: Watch yourself, Zero! He could've got your legs with that!

Zero: Thanks, X. We need an edge...but what could compete with him?

X: {Yeah, you saw how well that worked before.} We have to do something else...

Zero: You mean...?

X: Afraid so.

Zero: (sighs) I was hoping we'd never have to use this...

X: But we have no other choice.

Combination, X!!

Zero: Combination, Zero!!

X and Zero (Together): Together, we are... Xerox!!

>

Xerox: The ultimate fusion of the two most powerful Reploids in the world!

>

...And also the master of cheesy jokes. Don't be so down, Bass! Have a ball!

>

Xerox: Oh, 'have a ball'... That cracks me up every time! (Chuckles) Oh, Xerox, you are a comic genius!

>

Well, that didn't work as well as I'd hoped. Back for more, are you?

Bass: You can't get rid of me that easily, you purple nincompoop! Take this!

>

I told you you were no match for me, you idiots! Now, prepare yourself for the afterlife!

>

Now die!

Megaman: Nooooo!!!!

>

Bass: You'd better have something good up your sleeve, Blue Boy, or I'm gonna crush you like a bug!

Megaman: Oh, you won't be disappointed, Bass...I have the ultimate weapon!

Bass: Oh?

X: Mega...man...you made it...

Megaman: X! Zero! Are you both okay?

Zero: We're fine...just our pride...

Megaman: Yeah, I'd have never suspected that two of the most advanced robots ever created could lose to a cheap knock-off of me.

X and Zero (Together): Stuff it, Mega-Boy!

Megaman: You're both just lucky I showed up in time to save your worthless butts. Observe.

>

Zero: So what? You get your sister dolled up and you think this is somehow supposed to help us?

Bass: (drifts over to Roll) Shut up, Zero. (Romantically) Don't speak...when there is such beauty in our presence.

Megaman: Just work your magic, sis... (Runs over to X and Zero, pulls them out of the crate and they teleport out)

Bass: So... (Detaches from Treble, schmoozes over to Roll. Treble beams away) Whatcha been up to lately?

Roll (lustily): Not much. Cleaning up stuff around the house, the usual.

Bass: Sounds interesting. Tell me more...

Roll (lustily): I will. Just gimme a minute to freshen up, will you?

Bass: Oh, sure. Here, take all the time you need... (Turns around)

>

So what exactly do you and Rock talk about when I'm not trying to murder you all? Do you talk about...well, do--I mean...

Roll (lustily): I know exactly what you mean, Bass. Of course I talk about you.

Bass: Really? (Turns back around)

Roll (Normal): Really. (Fires at him, he falls to the ground) But don't look at a girl until she's done freshening up, you insensitive jerk. Rush!!

>

Catch you later, Bass! (Lustily) When you get all your pieces back together, why don't you give me a ring?

>

Bass: Curse you, Megaman...I shall defeat you, someday... And I will prove that I am the strongest robot!

>

Roll: Doubtful!

>

> 


End file.
